Woman slammed for dictating how her in-laws can text: ‘her limits’

Online commenters have slammed a woman who told her sister-in-law to ‘cut back’ with her multiple texts because they overwhelm her and she struggles to respond.

The post was shared last month on UK forum Mumsnet under the username Nosulk. The poster said she had received a text message from the woman, who she was good friends with. The woman asked him not to introduce several topics during their conversations because she couldn’t follow.

The poster wrote: “For context the posts in question were all replies to her day e.g. maybe 5 different posts asking how she was doing, asking after her [children], and commenting on the intensity of his schedule. They were literally replies to messages she had sent to me!”

Americans sent about 2 trillion messages in 2021, down from the 2020 peak during the COVID-19 pandemic, when they sent more than 2.2 trillion text messages, according to Statista.

The poster told the woman she would give it a try, but she was unhappy with her response and told her they needed to meet in person as the situation had gone on for too long. The poster suggested they should “pause here” until they find a solution.

She asked, “Why do I feel like I was scolded by my boss?”

In a comment, she added: “I kept to his limit – I just said there’s no obligation to answer but I’ll try too. I said I might slip up so he probably best to leave our communications for [face to face] now – I just don’t know how to do it!!”

Marni Goldman, certified life coach and author of true to myselfsaid Newsweek that the woman’s message couldn’t have been clearer and that too many texts at once are overwhelming and can cause sensory overload.

“As a friend, why didn’t she say, ‘I’m so sorry, thank you for bringing this to my attention, I won’t be doing it again. This shouldn’t even be a discussion, I feel like it’s going a bit further.

“When discussed, her response was she would try? Would it be a struggle? That’s wrong on every level. It’s time to stop letting this type of unnecessary stress plague your body. Stay strong Remember, if it costs you peace, it’s too expensive!” said Goldman.

Most of the 327 users who responded to Mumsnet’s Am I Unreasonable poll, 61%, said the poster was not unreasonable and the woman was controlling.

One user, NoSquirrels, commented: “Hope she’ll tell you in person that she’s just trying to deal with the symptoms she finds difficult; that it’s not you, it’s her. But yeah , I would be a little weird / borderline offended by this message!”

Changingplace asked: “Did your 5 posts answer 5 different questions she asked you? If so, how did she expect you to answer? Pick one thing to answer?”

On the other hand, Nimbostratus100 said, “She’s trying to tell you that you’re overwhelming her and she can’t deal with it.”

Another user, WandaWonder, commented, “I’ll reply to a text later today. I’m sure you’ll get ‘why don’t you contact me enough’ then… I don’t understand her but no I don’t I wouldn’t be offended, that word is used too much.”

Rogue1001MNer added, “I personally would only send him emojis from now on.”

Whyisitsososohard wrote: “Yeah, I would feel a bit weird if someone felt like they had to control how I communicate with them. It’s bossy. It also feels like she thinks a lot about herself- even and to her needs and that she does not hurt you.”

Whyisitsososohard continued: “As she seems to think it’s okay to say what she wants, I’d be tempted to go back to her and say the tone of her post was rude… I’m massively pro about adaptations and l access, but it feels very self-involved to me.”

Newsweek was unable to verify the details of the case.

Are you and your friend stuck in an argument? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can seek advice from experts and your story could be featured in Newsweek.