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The Riskiest Time in a Relationship, According to Matthew Hussey

Picture this: you’re on a first date, everything seems perfect: the conversation is flowing, the laughs are easy, and there’s an undeniable spark. It’s exactly those heady first encounters, warns best-selling author and dating coach Matthew Hussey, that are the riskiest time in dating.

“The moment we decide we love someone is the most dangerous moment in our love lives, because it is precisely the moment we are most likely to abandon our standards with that person,” she said. he declares.

He describes this as a tipping point where singles are prone to abandon their standards, particularly after a long search for companionship.

“When an internal culture of anxiety and fear that will never happen for us meets an external dating culture where people give you the minimum possible and take whatever they can get. It creates a recipe for us to lower our standards at precisely the time we should be increasing,” Hussey said.

Professional matchmaker Maria Avgitidis talks dating trends and how to revamp your profile


A quick fall could lower your standards

Hussey, who hosts the popular podcast “Love Life with Matthew Hussey” and posts engaging YouTube videos, expands on dating in his new book, “Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily – No Matter What “. “

Best-selling author and dating coach Matthew Hussey’s new book “Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What)” comes out April 23.

Matthew Hussey

It challenges readers to maintain high standards despite the temptation to settle for less when someone piques their interest.

“When we first meet someone, when we think, ‘Oh, I had an epic date with someone. I had such an incredible connection.’ “It’s a reason to invest, but at the beginning you don’t know who someone is and we have to remember that at the moment the character is very different.” Hussey said.

Navigating Early Romance

Hussey also says that it’s at the very beginning of a relationship that maintaining personal identity is most important, even when romance seems promising.

He advises sticking to your usual routine and making time for the things you love and your friends, even if you’re looking forward to spending time with someone new.

“If suddenly it becomes your only source, you now feel like you can’t afford to lose it. You always have to be able to lose someone, and the irony is that when you know you can lose someone, it’s actually getting stronger than ever,” he said.

This approach helps prevent relationships from becoming overwhelmingly central to a person’s identity and happiness.

How to spot red flags without turning into a detective

Hussey said the concept of “red flags” in relationships has become very popular, pointing out that dating culture has become overly cautious and people often perceive almost any trait or behavior as a potential warning sign .

“We like to talk about it because we all look at our past and ask ourselves, ‘What did I miss?’ But the problem with obsessing about red flags is that if we stop “Being present, it makes us a detective in our love lives,” he said.

He encourages dates to trust their own judgment and their ability to walk away if necessary.

“By the way, the reason we’re obsessed with identifying red flags is because we don’t trust ourselves to go away once we’re there. But if we trust ourselves, we “We don’t need to obsess over red flags because as soon as we see one, we have the confidence to go away,” he said.

Avoiding the decantation trap

Hussey said a common concern among daters is the fear of settling down. Many fear that after committing to someone, they might later meet someone better and regret their initial choice. Some rush and jump into a relationship less than a year after ending a relationship or marriage, out of fear of being alone. Although it may seem easier, Hussey argues that true happiness in a relationship comes from being satisfied with yourself. He challenged the idea that one must be completely fulfilled before one can find happiness with a partner, suggesting that personal contentment is the key to a successful relationship.

“I always think, ‘How many people do I know who are married, perfectly happy, who go home and have it all figured out before they met this person?’ I think it’s detrimental and makes us feel inadequate at a time in our lives when we need to be compassionate with ourselves. We don’t need to be perfectly happy. happy enough that we can always say no to the bad thing, and when the right thing comes along, we can be ourselves,” he said.

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