Sunday with Sarah Millican: ‘If you can see the sea, you can have fries’ | Sunday with…

Getting up early or sleeping in? Oh my god, I go to sleep at 2:00 a.m., so your sleep in is probably my early wake up. The only reason I wake up at 6 a.m. is because of my old-lady bladder — or if the dog mistimed its poop.

First thing you do? I’m on tour right now, so I spend the first few minutes figuring out exactly where I am. It’s still a nice hotel, luckily, so how bad can it be?

Sundays to grow? I was a real goody two shoes. I’ll finish my homework to do some coloring. Or, later, keep choreographing a dance to the latest Five Star classic.

What’s for breakfast? We used to have a rule on tour that you could have a pudding breakfast on Sundays. So, French toast or pancakes if you’ve been eating fruit and eggs all week. The other rule is that if you can see the sea, you can get tokens.

The best of Sunday or a onesie? Sunday is a working day, so always the best Sunday. And then braless Mondays. You know, like the band.

What is there to eat? If I’m home, it’s lunch at a local pub. If I’m on tour, I have brunch and then backstage food before the show. When I started standing, I couldn’t eat for four hours before a show. Now I can pull Nando from my teeth as I announce myself.

Sunday laugh? I hope so. I will provide them, of course, although there is a lot of backstage fun between the rhythm and the diarrhea.

Sunday salad or cookies? Biscuits. The weekend is no place for salad. Monday is for salad: a fresh start, hope, a big bag of lettuce.

Sunday feelings? The smell of diesel for the ride home at the end of a busy week and the feel of my dog’s face when I walk in. I hope he knows that hard kisses mean love.

What are your bedtime rituals? Medicines for cats, medicines for dogs, our medicines and our bed. We are all progressing a bit.

End of the weekend terror? Monday is our Saturday, so don’t worry. Having different days off for the majority of people is great in many ways. And working Saturday means you never have to go to a wedding.

Bobby Dazzler is available to stream or download at sarahmillican.co.uk