My high school boyfriend’s parents let me stay. it saved me | Breaking News Updates
My high school boyfriend’s parents let me stay. it saved me
| Breaking News Updates | abc News
Dear Miranda Hobbes and Steve Brady,
I admit, it’s a little strange writing a letter of gratitude to two fictional characters. But this letter is not really for you.
Yes, I watched the first two episodes of “And Just Like That,” HBO’s new “Sex and the City” chapter that follows Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbs, and Charlotte York as they navigate their 50s. I have to admit, I was even dreading, as a fan of the iconic original, to see how the characters and their families have evolved since they appeared in that second film that is not to be named. Time will tell if I will ever ride a Peloton again.
This “thank you” is addressed to parents all over the world who Like you – the parents who are ready to open their homes to their children’s boyfriends and girlfriends.
The same parents who when I was in high school helped me.
In the new series, Miranda and Steve allow their now high school student, Brady, to invite his girlfriend over to spend several nights with them, and maybe even live with them full time.
There are more than a few cringe-worthy moments. At one point, after a public fuck session, Brady tells his mother that the couple “won’t be ashamed of the sex.” something that left even this HIV positive mom of two young boys awkwardly shifting around in her seat.
But before I was a mom, I was a high school student who also relied on her boyfriend’s parents.
I spent more than a few nights with my friend-turned-boyfriend, sleeping in his bed right next to his parents. The nights I spent with them were often out of necessity – I quickly threw a few clothes and a toothbrush in my school backpack, sent a series of manic texts, then showed up at their frantic front door and overwhelmed.
I knew there were rules I had to follow – help with housework, not spending excessive time in the shower using all the hot water, and doing what I could, within reason and keeping my safety in mind, to return to my parents. I couldn’t stay forever, but I could stay as long as I needed and wanted.
And yes, every once in a while my boyfriend and I had sex. We weren’t loud (another rule: “Be respectful enough to pretend we’re too dumb to know what the two of you are doing.”) And we knew we had access to contraception and protection. I had several conversations with his mother about safety, teenage pregnancy, and my worth – outside and regardless of my relationship with her son.
Staying with my boyfriend wasn’t about getting a free pass to have all the consensual sex I wanted. It wasn’t about sticking with the “cool parents” who let teenagers have a cold beer with dinner. It wasn’t even about hurting my parents’ feelings.
Instead, it was an opportunity to rely on another group of parents for comfort, safety, security, and guidance.
The proverbial village that is supposed to help parents care for their children is not for parents at all. Yes, we, mothers and fathers, grandparents and caregivers, all benefit from being in community with one another – a fact made all the more evident by the maternal mental health crisis and a global pandemic in Classes.
But our children need other responsible and reliable adults in their lives to thrive – adults who can guide them when they can’t or won’t follow their own parents’ guidelines.
I had these adults in my life when I needed them, and their decision to have an “open door” policy kept me safe.
As viewers, we don’t know the circumstances surrounding Brady’s girlfriend and her life situation. But one thing is clear: she has access to a loving environment cultivated by parents who let two young people feel free to be themselves.
And for young people, feeling empowered to seek, find and celebrate can change the trajectory of their entire life.
Will I handle my sons having comically boisterous sex with their partners in my own home as well as Miranda and Steve did? I can’t say, although I have a feeling the limit of my sexual positivity will be tested.
But I hope that when my sons are in the depths of their teenage lives, they will feel comfortable hosting their friends, girlfriends or boyfriends – for an afternoon, a day, a night or even. Longer. I hope their friends, girlfriends and boyfriends will feel as safe, comfortable and respected in my house as I was in my boyfriend’s house from high school all those years ago.
And I hope my fellow parents will take comfort in knowing that if the saying is true, and it really takes a village to raise a child, they can feel confident including my home in their hamlet.
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