Michael Ellis bends over and takes the party rap as the Prime Minister stays in hiding | Jean Cracé | Latest News Headlines

HHow much must Boris Johnson hate Michael Ellis? Then again, how much must Michael Ellis hate Michael Ellis? It takes a special type of person to volunteer to be the prime minister’s fall man. Someone with even a hint of self-respect might have looked nostalgically at the lateral flow test, inked on a second red line and made themselves unavailable. Not the delusional Ellis. He was at his master’s disposal: ready at any time to defend the indefensible in an act of imaginary nobility. All he asked for in return was a knighthood for this act and previous acts of servile devotion to Johnson.

That should, of course, have been Johnson who came to the Commons to answer the urgent question. After all, it was his party, in his garden, which he didn’t remember attending. Short-term memory loss is starting to sound like the only excuse he has. Feasible or not. But Boris was never the type to clean up his own shit. The MO of the Pikachu lookalike with the toddler haircut has always been about creating chaos and letting others take over. So brave.

But with Johnson locked in the Downing Street apartment and refusing to come out, it was Ellis, the junior minister with the non-employed paymaster general, who was forced to show his face. Again. It wasn’t until last December that he was forced to respond to a previous UQ on other Downing Street parties and it didn’t go well, with his oily character and elusive responses drawing derision. widespread opposition benches. Tuesday’s performance was pretty much a repeat of the premiere. Only with even less credibility as no one in the room seemed to doubt Johnson’s guilt.

Ellis began by saying how sorry he was that the “allegations were raised”. Not that the party took place, when the rest of the country obeyed the rules and some were denied a final farewell to loved ones. Just sorry that someone saw fit to denounce the rally. He was already downgraded from a party.

But that was all he could say because it would be wrong to prejudge Sue Gray’s investigation. After all, it was possible that during her investigation she would find out that Boris had done something completely different than everyone thought he had done and thus accidentally exonerated him. So there was no point in anyone caring about verifying the truth, as there was a half chance that Gray would fall for the lies the Prime Minister ultimately made up. A few Labor MPs applauded ironically.

None of them took place with Angela Rayner, deputy head of Labor. Her voice was interspersed with anger and contempt as she demanded appropriate responses. Had the Prime Minister been at the party or not? Surely that was a binary question that should be easy to answer without a formal investigation. “He can run but he can’t hide,” she said. Which was not strictly true. He can hardly walk nowadays. Rayner ended by asking if Ellis still believed the Prime Minister was a man of honor.

Surprisingly, Ellis did. Although no one else has. Not even the handful of conservatives who took the trouble to show their faces for the government’s utter humiliation. Desmond Swayne wondered if the Downing Street parties showed that everyone would have been better off being allowed to do whatever they wanted from the start. Christopher Chope wished all dirty laundry had been washed at one time rather than drip. Uh! There are far too many for that. Maria Miller suggested rather timidly that perhaps the debate should have been delayed until Gray had had the chance to blackout and exonerate Johnson, but it was about as good as that. was for Ellis.

“I have the full backing of the government,” said Ellis, still so oily, seemingly unaware that the front seat was entirely empty, except for a lone whip, which had been sent to keep him company and was on the move. his best to pretend he wasn’t there. Every now and then he would look at the speaker pleadingly, desperate to be put out of his misery. Most UQs are only 45 minutes long, but for this one Lindsay Hoyle was willing to make an exception and do 30 minutes of overtime. If Johnson didn’t show up, he would hurt his understudy.

It was a punishment, with opposition MPs citing the fury of their constituents and asking questions Ellis could only recite the same unnecessary non-response to. “It would be wrong to prejudge the investigation,” he has repeatedly said. And time and time again, he was told that all the house wanted was confirmation that Boris had been at the party. Surely Ellis had asked him that before he agreed to cover it up? “I couldn’t divulge private conversations,” he said, majestically. At that point, his last shred of self-esteem shriveled up and died. He was no more than a simple shell, passing himself off as a sensitive life.

Ellis wasn’t the only one who had a bad day defending Johnson. Deputy Health Minister Edward Argar had drawn the short straw from the morning media tour and was unable to explain anything to anyone. Not even why Boris needed an investigation to tell him what he had done. Most of the time, Argar was left to talk nonsense before deciding that was enough and it was time to cover his own back. He had definitely not been to any party. He had spent the last two years on Zoom. He definitely didn’t know anything. The more he spoke, the less convincing he seemed.

But the price for real stupidity has gone to conservative backbench Michael Maker. No one had asked him to help, obviously, because he’s a permanent liability. But he volunteered anyway. The party was not a party, it was just a group of coworkers having a party. Thud. The sound of a wig clapping. Boris was just stunned to find so many people in his garden. Thud. They deserved a party because they had worked so hard. Thud. With friends like these …

Yet at least we got an answer. For years people wondered what Micky F. was for. Now we knew. To make others like Ellis look smart.