I cyberstalk my boyfriend’s ex

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45 year old female who has been dating “Ben” (53) for two years. We have known each other for more than 20 years. He treats me like a queen. Before we met, he had a girlfriend whom he confided in me. I was very jealous of her. She knew we were friends, so she made a point of posting lots of photos of their PDAs on her social media, since we weren’t following each other.

Fast forward two years: Abby, I can’t help but be obsessed with her! I constantly think of her and compare myself to her. I’m tracking his social media page. Ben never gave me a reason not to trust her, so why am I still annoyed with her?

She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally stop obsessing over her and move on? I don’t feel that way about his other exes, but for some reason this one escapes me. I don’t want him to find out what I did. I really need help. No advice? — INSECURITY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INSECURE: In light of the fact that your boyfriend’s ex is happily in another relationship, this obsession is truly a waste of time and energy. Even if you still feel threatened, the woman is no longer your competition. Whether your problem is insecurities or lack of self-esteem, it’s time to wake up and recognize that Ben chose you over her. If you can’t accept this and relax, you may need to talk to a licensed psychotherapist to help you stop stalking her. She may be part of your boyfriend’s past, but please don’t keep making her part of your present.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren and believe in the importance of a college education. When the former graduated from high school, we gave him $500 for graduation, plus an additional $1,500 to use for college-related expenses. He had already indicated that he was applying to college.

When the second graduated, we gave him a graduation gift of $500. Because he was committed to joining the Navy, we assured him that he would also receive $1,500 if he enrolled in college. Since then, we have been criticized for not respecting his career choice, showing favoritism and other accusations too numerous to list here.

Are we ogres for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to go to university? We would like your opinion. — THE GOOD INTEREST IN THE WEST

DEAR GOOD INTENT: Your mistake was to ignore the fact that your grandchildren are individuals. Your second grandson will probably find his way through his military service. You could say that you favor the grandchild who follows the career path you’re biased towards, and from that perspective, it looks like you’re playing favorites. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your Navy-bound grandson may need that money at some point.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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