Ancestry DNA reveals family secrets and long-lost babies: ‘Amazing’
Dennis Sidoti and Richard Silver were both born in New York. Both sing. Both worked in human resources before retiring. Their commonalities seem harmless at first, just like two people wandering the streets of New York minding their own business. They probably crossed paths several times without realizing it.
But it turns out they are brothers.
They would never have known without one of those ubiquitous at-home DNA testing kits.
Everyone takes risks when using genealogy services: after all, you’re shipping your DNA somewhere. It is also a psychological risk to discover an unknown truth. But for some families, these DNA tests reveal scandalous secrets that have been hidden from the rest of the family, often in the form of a child.
Before sending in your results, mental health professionals suggest considering the consequences and preparing for potentially life-changing news.
“In life, we often can’t prepare for how we will react to an unexpected change,” says Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary’s University in Canada, “but I think with these services , we can, by questioning the intention of using them, and what we are prepared to do – and feel – if unexpected results arise.
“It was all a shock”
Stories like Sidoti and Silver’s long-lost sisterhood aren’t that rare, although neither Ancestry nor 23&Me keep track of this data. But 23&Me has a comprehensive support page aimed at those who encounter unexpected DNA results, and the hashtag #ancestrydnadrama has 1.5 million views on TikTok.
Sidoti, 68, added his DNA to Ancestry just over five years ago when his wife’s family began digging there — without knowing that Silver had done the same. No one else in Sidoti’s family had tried it before. On February 23, 2018, he got the result that changed his life: he had another brother – and a complete brother in addition, who can joke with him. Joke with him. Hidden from him for decades. How?
Call it an East Side story: A young Jewish woman was in love with an Italian Catholic and they found themselves expecting a child. But they couldn’t get married because it would have been a frowned upon interfaith marriage.
“My expectation, all I can think of, is that she had the choice not to have a child because it would have affected her family in a negative way, her in a negative way,” Silver said, 79 years old. Their mother was placed in a home in Brooklyn to give birth to a child that Silver’s parents would eventually adopt.
His biological parents eventually circumvented social norms, married and had six more children: three more boys, including Dennis, and three girls.
“I felt like an orphan”
Tracey Humphries also discovered a family secret through a genealogy service after the deaths of both her parents: the man she believed to be her father was not actually her biological father.
The 58-year-old senior payroll consultant met her biological father for the first time last month after discovering the truth.
“I felt like an orphan for years after 2013, and here, that’s not the case,” she says. “It was something.”
She had never questioned her upbringing, except to wonder why she didn’t look at all like her father. But when she met her biological father, everything changed.
“It was just amazing to see someone who I look like,” said a Lakeland, Fla., resident. “Because I knew I look like my mother, but I also look like someone else.”
What happens when you “discover family secrets”
Happy family reunions like these certainly paint a rosy family picture.
“For people who have a small family but have always wished for a larger one, or who have few remaining relatives, this could open the door to new, sought-after experiences,” Fisher says.
And for some families, these discoveries could even save lives.
“This can help share health information that might lead someone to get tested for a predisposition, for example,” she adds.
But experts agree it’s critical that anyone taking these tests be prepared for the alternative.
“For people curious about their ethnicity and family history, these sites can provide some connection to a culture they may have felt disconnected from,” adds Loree Johnson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “However, these sites can also reveal family secrets that contribute to a sense of betrayal, undermining family ties and closeness when individuals discover they are not biologically related to an individual, even if they were brought to believe it.”
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“You and I are a lot alike.”
Sidoti and Silver first met a few years ago in Rhode Island; Silver has since met more of his siblings.
“It was a smooth meeting,” said Silver, of Asheville, North Carolina. “It felt like it had always been this way. It didn’t seem strange at all. It felt very comfortable. It’s not like meeting someone you’ve never met before.”
Today, they zoom, email, and text. They hope to see each other again soon, perhaps with more barbs like this:
Sidoti: “We are really comfortable with each other and we really love each other.”
Silver: “Which is great, because I don’t like a lot of people.”
Sidoti: “The more I talk to you, Richard, the more I realize that you and I are a lot alike.”
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