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A man supported for parents who do not invite to marry because they will not participate

A man is backed for disinviting his parents to his upcoming nuptials after they refused to participate in any way.

“[Am I the A******] for not inviting my parents to the reception unless they agreed to sit in the front row as my parents?”

The original (OP) poster describes his parents as “severely anti-social”, saying they hadn’t left their neighborhood in 12 years since the OP went to another town for medical school. He says they would never let him have friends over, or even attend parent-teacher conferences or school events, preferring to communicate with his teachers only by email or the occasional phone.

He says his extended family – including aunts, uncles and grandparents on both sides – were the only ones who gave him a “normal childhood”, even hosting a neighborhood festival to celebrate his graduation residency in medicine.

The PO has been with her fiancé for 9 years and fiancé for six years.

“To be honest, my parents tried to have a relationship with him but it was ‘too much’ for them (seriously, they said that) and they said, ‘You’re happy so we’re happy too, send- just an invitation to your wedding [if] things are moving forward,” he wrote. “Even though all of this, I love my parents and I want them to have their place as parents in my marriage and I just want them to be present in the marriage. one of the events of my life.”

In order to involve his parents, he asked if they would be willing to help plan the wedding, which was refused. He suggested a wedding speech – which was another “no”. Even just sitting in the front row was also dismissed, with her parents saying they didn’t want to be the center of attention.

“I finally exploded and said they weren’t in my meaningful moments, they never participated in any of the events in my life and they didn’t even try to get to know my fiancé. J I said ‘just stay in your paradise (they call their home their paradise) and don’t bother me anymore. Goodnight. and I left their home,'” he wrote.

Two days later, the PO sent his guest list to the wedding planner, omitting his parents. However, since the organizer is her cousin’s boyfriend, the organizer called his girlfriend, who ended up texting the rest of the family. Although the PO says his grandparents and future in-laws believe his parents “got what they deserved”, his parents’ siblings and their children say they should be invited as normal guests. He also adds that no one is threatening to boycott the wedding because of it, because “it’s just something [that] bothers me, no one else.”

A man is backed for disinviting his parents to his wedding after they refused to attend or even sit in the front row.
iStock/Getty Images

Whereas Newsweek published previous stories about relatives who weren’t invited to weddings, usually it was for a minor thing – like flowers, or being angry they gave away the bride’s former room. However, in this case, the problem is deeper than a disagreement.

Dr. Matt Glowiak, Ph.D., LCPC said Newsweek that what the OP described “may indicate a diagnosable mental health condition”.

“Although many people are introverts who feel more comfortable sitting in their inner thoughts, being quiet in social settings, and having enough personal space, they are still primarily there to to fulfill important life obligations as well as to participate in major life milestones or events.In this particular case, it appears that the groom’s parents suffer from debilitating social anxiety or perhaps agoraphobia (fear of public spaces) with the potential for other conditions,” Glowiak said.

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. agree, say Newsweek“Parents who struggle with being in groups aren’t loveless people. They’re just struggling with something that this couple doesn’t understand and they don’t understand.”

Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C says Newsweek that while a dislike of crowds is “not uncommon”, the OP was equally right to resent what he did.

“It’s only fair that he wants his parents involved and seen at his wedding. It shows he’s looking for ways to include his parents given the list of options he’s given. It can certainly be daunting feeling that your parents don’t want to be involved in your life or major life events It’s important to understand where parents’ feelings come from, and without acknowledgment and communication of those feelings, it can create a dead end said Saxena.

Hollman suggested perhaps having a separate ceremony in the PO’s parents’ lounge, while Glowiak suggested that if “all physical attendance options are exhausted,” video conferencing could be an option. But he also suggested his parents see a clinician.

“Working with a counselor can help get to the root of the problem, as parents work to adjust maladaptive beliefs and embed healthy coping skills. They are also likely to engage in behavioral experiences. Specifically, exposure therapy such as systemic desensitization can help,” Glowiak said. Newsweek.

Saxena also said that marriage “can be an opportunity to take control” for parents, and “not to allow crowds, attention, or any other fear or avoidance tendencies to dictate your life.”

Editors agreed that the OP wasn’t wrong in feeling what he was doing, though some had harsh words for another person involved: the wedding planner.

“You need a new organiser. Very unprofessional conduct…[Not the A******]u/4682458 wrote in the top rated comment with 11,900 votes.

“YIKES. I was like WTF after reading this too. The organizer was out of place and created so much unnecessary drama. Honestly this is a tough question and I think you should have another conversation with your parents to settle something. Only because you seem to really like them and maybe regret not inviting them to your wedding,” u/EmeraldBlueZen wrote.

“[No A******s Here]. Your parents have real problems that you can’t solve on your own. Please don’t think they love you any less just because they can’t sit in the front row. I hope you can find the strength within you to invite them as normal guests,” u/namesaretoohardforme wrote.

“[Not the A******] but I don’t think your parents are necessarily [a******s] either, they seem to have serious problems. I’m a little torn though because I feel like maybe they should have asked for help to work through these issues because they were hurting you, their child. In any case, you are definitely [Not the A******]“, wrote u/Little_Lottie.

Newsweek contacted u/jjjaaerrjdjddj for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

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