Here’s a little-known secret: Divorce lawyers give surprisingly good dating advice, not just legal advice.
We recently asked divorce attorneys across the country to share the big red flags they think singles should be aware of when dating. Of course, no one is perfect – chances are the people you date tick one or two of these boxes. If they check most of them, however, proceed with caution.
1. They talk about marriage or the next big thing.
“Chris Pratt revealed in a 2009 interview that he knew shortly after meeting his now ex-wife Anna Faris that he ‘wanted to marry her very soon’ after meeting her. time to admit it, because it would be crazy to be like, “I want to marry you” the first day I met her. But I could have! Turns out, that kind of certainty doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is meant to last. Rather, it may be an indicator that this person feels familiar, such as old patterns, old obsessions, and old problems. If you want someone who brings out the best in you, this is not This may not be the person who fits you like an old glove. It may be healthier at the start of a relationship to feel uncertain and tenuous about the new person in your life. ― Liat Sadler, family law specialist in San Francisco
2. The claims in their dating profiles are exaggerated.
“Beware if your date’s online dating profiles turn out to be mostly fiction. It’s not uncommon for people to inflate their dating profiles a bit in order to make themselves look good. But when you find out that someone’s profile is so exaggerated it borders on invention, run! If someone isn’t honest with you from the start, they’ll never be honest with you. ― Karen Covy, Chicago-based divorce attorney and counselor
3. They present themselves as the victim of all their past relationships.
“If your date describes each of his exes as ‘crazy’, that’s a sign that he can’t take responsibility for his role in the relationship. That’s a strong red flag that they won’t own. their part of a relationship with you. Relationships take investment from both people. Someone who refuses to own up to their mistakes probably won’t invest fully, and you might end up being the one trying to make the relationship work. relationship. – Morghan Richardson, New York Divorce Lawyer
4. There is no physical spark.
“At the start of a relationship, sex or physical connection doesn’t have to be mind-blowing to indicate the relationship is lasting. There’s often some awkward trial and error as you and the other person get to know each other. But if there is no excitement in the beginning to get to know each other intimately, there will be no excitement later.This may be fine if neither person needs sexual intimacy in part of a successful relationship. Some people stay in those relationships because they enjoyed the other person’s company and friendship. A relationship with meaningless intimacy can bring beautiful children into the world, and it can end amicably because friendship has always been the strongest part of a relationship.But for many couples, the lack of sexual intimacy can cause a person to seek it elsewhere, and that can spell the end of the marriage. – Sadler
5. They have divorced several times.
“We have a saying, ‘Sometimes it’s not the ex, it’s you who are the problem.’ Unfortunately, we see repeat customers. Those who marry frequently are often quick to commit and leave. For some, being married, just being married, makes them feel like they fit in. ― Randall Kessler, Atlanta Divorce Lawyer
6. They imply that their financial life is a mess.
“Be careful if your date sends you mixed messages about his financial stability. Maybe he likes to buy you dinners or gifts, but then his electricity goes out. Or she’s constantly waiting for that financial break that will make her “completely caught up” in her poor financial decisions. What happens once you have a family? How will you feel taking on the financial burden of a marriage, especially if you decide to have children? A client of mine constantly had to manipulate family finances to cover her ex-husband’s excessive expenses. The result was that she tried to impose limits on her spending, growing resentment between them, and a messy divorce over debt. ― Richardson
7. They’re “technically married but separated.”
“It’s an obvious red flag if they don’t tell you they’re married. Yes, it does happen. It’s also bad if they don’t tell you until late in the date or even the second or the third date. Then they explain that they’re “technically married but separated”. That means they’re married. That’s bad news. At the very least, they’re having trouble finalizing their divorce, which which means they or their spouse (or both) are angry, fighting, or unable to come to an agreement.At most, they are lying about being apart. -Kessler
8. They drink. Many.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a drink or two with dinner. But if you’re dating someone who constantly drinks lots of drinks, especially strong drinks, every time you see them, that’s not necessarily a good sign. It doesn’t matter that the person never seems to get drunk. In the early stages of alcoholism, a person’s tolerance increases. If someone drinks a lot, the fact that they can “hold their alcohol” often means that they are on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. Be aware of this drink count. ― Covy
9. They want to spend every moment together.
“Beware if the person wants too much, too soon. Your new lover may even convince you that you are already close, even if you just met. It’s dangerous to date someone from a place of desperation to be in a relationship. It can feel like a steamy romance when suddenly you and your new fling spend every minute together. There is a feeling of oneness with the other person which can be wonderful if it happens at specific times. But when this feeling of fusion lasts for a long time, it can indicate danger. It’s the kind of relationship that can become unstable and even violent when one person begins to need space and differentiation from the other. Until they feel safe, they should probably take a break from dating and work on their self-esteem. ― Sadler